Broken Nails

Is being said on the ‘wind’. It means connections are broken, people are UNCONNECTED.

I have a feeling because I was a “baby” various gang contacts dumped and dropped me as “useful” to them very early in my life. Too many people needed money! THEN people planned to help me have money… AND THEN… OVERSOLD me and anything I owned. Here I am decades into my life and I’m being snooped as a money source and I cannot afford my own life easily!

Ultimately, I am a victim of identity theft. It means I can’t do much no matter what… and the people using my identity may also be limited… UNLESS… they only used my name(s) as nicknames, not trying to use my identity paperwork to stay in the U.S.

“Forced to be a baby.” – the ‘wind’

Dust to Dust, Back to Earth

I like nature walks like these in the real world. Not every one can or should follow me though. We all need OUR OWN TIMELINES and paths in life. You can follow me for instance online, but you can do it when you feel like, even in the YEAR you feel like.

I may be returning to Mother Earth themes in the future of my online publishing. Just focusing on health, body, the lands we live on, cultivation, herbalism, organics, gardening(?) even thinking spiritually about people and living. I’ve dealt with the past a lot in recent years and I don’t want to keep going on it. I feel stalkers and snoopers needed to be MORE AWARE why I’m not their actual target. I’m not well monied nor well connected. I had to be disconnected a long time ago. I was replaced by at least 30 people! I discovered… there IS NO SPOT FOR ME to take, slip into, or waiting for me anywhere in Hollywood even outside of it for the town. So I’m staying retired from it.

Here on my blog site, I may continue to post broader ideas and themes. I humbly apologize if there were people expecting me to be a full Hollywood Spielberg. I’m not the same blood, nor same kind of people. I’m more a bohemian, mellow, easy going type of person. Not fancy, just kinda average.

What is the “dust to dust” reference? It means I spent much of my time in my earliest years outside under the sun and skies even barefoot by choice. I like the idea of remembering the Earth and being a part of IT. I don’t have be “one with the human race” or “one with the entertainment’s hive mind thinking and experience”. Being a part of the entertainment industry, even as a friend and not-employed… means a certain ongoing awareness and thoughtfulness. I NO LONGER NEED TO “hold fast” to it. I am returning to “dusty things”. I’m dead to entertainment, but not so much to our Mother Earth. I still have things to do for it. TBD!

No more major corporation contacts!

Hey people, I was too young to be a real corporation executive in the 1970s. I had connections back then to future high paying jobs, but I got HOSTAGED… even taken around the world for a time. Mainly in Hollywood, people were injuring me and asking for money. I BEGGED to be disconnected. I didn’t want to spend my early years in life being attacked. It looked bleak, like criminals just planned to injure me, get money and kill me. Family members were injured too. So WE HAD TO BE DISCONNECTED. There was NO WAY OUT. The companies I had connections to were young and some in start up, meaning no dividends or pay checks anyway. So no hostage money for criminals. I just got cut off completely–no more future job. There were years, decades I lived in low poverty as a result. The criminals involved just kept demanding money and were even stealing survival monies. Some in L.A. PRETENDED they stole my wealth and clout. My health was poor, I was interfered with on so many levels for years and years… but I guess the memo didn’t go out and around? Not connected. Not making any money from anything for years. I was on a stipend to be kept alive. I don’t think I even made a phone call to any company owners to wish happy birthday or anything my whole life. So this idea of threatening to harm me for hostage monies is pathetic. Has been for decades now. Criminals just get frustrated and punished.

What this looks like I was an ACE of cards in the 1970s that people used… got turned into an average “3”, not even a clever deuce(“2”). Looking at things now, it appears criminals have been in denial all these years. May be why I wasn’t allowed to just go have a normal average working middle class life. They may STILL be pretending I have value somehow.

I’ve been a disabled person. In the past they’ve paid doctors off to not allow a disability letter. I’m mobile these days, just not healthy enough for full time work even at a desk.

Being a Spirit Walker

“Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, kill nothing but time…” (even then, must ‘time’ be killed or just ignored?)

This still is a mantra when I am around nature. I actually prefer the peace of nature than the metal and concrete of big cities. Okay? I am not “your Donna”. I am a spirit walker who will speak to people. That’s all I really was. Still am really. People have disrupted my thinking and spirituality and WALKING since my earliest days on Earth outside of the womb. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be angry or just irritated… or wondering… why is this?

I found this image without a copyright online. Please contact me if it is yours.

Clever Elf (this one) is Retired from Hollywood’s Workshop

What did I just retire from this year?

Helping create projects and products for people to work on. That’s the best way to explain it. To big people, I probably just looked like a small clever elf who had some ideas they used. They want me done so they can chat with other “elves” and “helpers” now. So I’m exiting the “Hollywood workshop”.

It isn’t clear to me who made me a “clever elf” for Hollywood/Bollywood people. It does appear I stayed an “artist child” who visited and was not employed, didn’t have a career with the entertainment capital of the U.S. (not sure if it is world or not now).

I can’t be an “ideation expert” for others. I wasn’t actually hired for it, just used. I was used as a stand in for others too I guess. I am done now though.

There are probably women too, many of them! I personally am not needed. Others have taken my place in person most of the time anyway. Best wishes to you all!

a Native American Nation Within United States Borders

Native Americans in Washington D.C. (image from Washington Post)

Today is November 26th, 2021 and it is Native American Heritage Day which has been an annual event since 2009 when Barack Obama signed it in. To the few who knew me, I was very behind this happening. I know not all presidents wanted to take that leap of recognition or were pressed not to. I’m glad it finally got done and we can now celebrate it! I say “now” because it is clear that all these hundreds of years we haven’t thanked the original owners of “the table” newcomers to the Americas were fed at. The Native American Indians were PROVIDERS to people in the early days. They gave advice in the new world. They were not as sophisticated and could not protect themselves from “old world criminals” and their peoples were cornered and pushed aside. And that is the nice way of putting it.

I grew up in the United States, in the Hawaiian Islands far from Washington D.C. but I was close to political students and teachers. Some professional politicians were in and out of our circles through the years. It just kept me aware and paying attention as I tried to get through the pains of childhood and teenage years. I DID NOT get formal U.S. studies in high school like I would have liked. I was moved around to different schools and my U.S. history may look weaker than some new U.S. citizens! I’ve studied it over the years though in spite of missing out on formal studies in school. The school of life is vibrant and interesting if you open yourself to it, and it allows you to learn more perspectives from the beginning instead of being programming in classes taught by a few teachers with strict curricula. I’ve tried to be opinionated only when I felt I had enough knowledge to make an opinion known. Otherwise I remained silent until I had time to review or think about it more. This has lead me to be specific in my writing, but also I too have become vibrant in thinking and writing. I am a product of the learning I gave myself. My words are not based on a single movie, narrative or documentary. It’s a culmination of decades of picking up pieces and analyzing them. Those pieces are everything from speaking with people in person, to films, text books, magazines, blogs, reading and watching the news and more. They are MY PIECES and MY OPINIONS that result.

Here is what I am thinking. Just an idea. I haven’t even researched if this would be popular or not.

How about two native nations in the United States?

Two? You may ask. Yes. Native American Indian and Hawaiian. Granted the Eskimos shouldn’t be forgotten either, perhaps they can join the Indian nation or be allowed to be the Eskimo Nation?

Native Hawaiians marching in Honolulu, Hawaii

This is what comes to mind. The Hawaiians were in Hawaii before the old world explorers dropped in and changed things. The American Indians were there before the same. It is fair, very fair to call them the original and native peoples. I propose they each have their own nation within the U.S. borders and be better represented legally in Washington D.C. and in the media. I truly do not feel they are getting enough respect day to day. They should be better known to the mass audience, even global. I’m not saying these nations within a nation should be more powerful than the U.S. government, but I believe our country should know them better. If this means improving their lives so they look better, maybe we should be doing this. Otherwise the old world came to the lands of the Americas and terrorized what they found and that’s all it was. No, that was not meant to be a pleasant sentence and statement. It’s my sprung-finger-thwack on some heads of people reading this. I’m waking up to this too.

Image from Morning Starr

Two Native Nations (perhaps three)
This is based on geography and DNA pools.

Native American Indian Nation
Native Hawaiian Nation
Eskimo Nation

Bitter the Snowman

Notes and beginning of rough draft
October 30, 2021

I just wrote this a little while ago this evening. Straight out. No break. Fast enough to flow, not for artful handwriting. Bitter the Snowman draft in progress. October 30, 2021

Dirty snow, rocks, sticks
Old carrot nose
Dog pee yellowed snow
Wire arm

Doesn’t face the street

A storm comes in, he is gone.

Scares children
Causes man to slip w/ice
Spins two kids around, gets them lost

Santa finds him.
Grumbles he had to leave his shop early, leave work to find Bitter.

Santa: “What’s going on, Bitter?”

Bitter: “I hate people. They don’t like me. I’m ugly on the outside, and I can’t change it. So I’m angry on the inside, can’t change it.”

Santa: “Bitter, if I change you for a day, will you be nicer to people? Halloween is over, the holidays are almost here. This is the time of year people don’t naturally like. They realize how long and hard the year has been, and the weather itself is working against them. It even costs more money this time of year, so it hurts pocket books. The more darkness and cold scares children, adults too, especially the homeless.”

Bitter: “I had a home. Unhappy people made me. I’m homeless now too.”

Santa: “Only a short time, Bitter. You were just a lawn decoration and we gave you some magic to move around. When the storm is gone, you’ll be home again.”

Bitter: “What is it you want, Santa? Guess I’m here today, gone tomorrow.”

Santa: “Bitter, it’s your your chance to be something different for a while. Ho ho ho!”

(Noises elsewhere, Bitter turns around and Santa is gone.)

To be continued…

I’ve been wanting to work on this a few days now. Had to feel a certain comfort, sense a “spring board”, a beginning and nature about it. Frosty the Snowman the animated movie is a favorite of mine. I don’t know it by heart, every scene that is, but I still feel it. I was very young when I first watched it. It brought me joy. A whole lot. I may have even pitched an angry snowman back then just as a villain for contrast. The truth is I enjoy happier than sad stories and really that’s my mark. It’s so easy to make dark stories, I guess so many angry underpaid writers out there who flesh them out. This is just a little self made story, no adults helping. (I’m snickering at that). I’ve really been messed up since childhood. Adults stealing my stories. This character Bitter reminds me of one of them. Even though I’ve suffered, I know others have too in this world. I don’t hate Bitter at all, I want Bitter the Snowman to have a story. I wish I had made this weeks ago. I may have made it with more Halloween elements. To be continued though… =)

Update 12/8/21:
Bitter is deciding whether the next step is onto the right or wrong foot. His conundrum is that his inner spirit is very angry. More than a part of him wants to do every wrong to people who try to do everything right or correct. The other part of him is quieter. Not as pressing or interesting, to him anyway. He’s so used messing things up and being messed up. Not sure if it’s fear or just being too different. Funny that a snowman would even consider it. But Santa showed up and that’s angering him! It means someone somewhere knows him. But does that mean they expect him to be different? Will he pay for it later if he is different than he always was? Uncertainty can be so scary. Even for a creature like him… made of powdered ice and garbage. He knows there is something to do, or he wouldn’t have been given some magic. But what to do with it? Can he mess up Santa?

Now I’m getting into Bitter’s head because I need to know what this character wants to do. What does it want to do. What is the reader expecting? What path should I put this “device” or “vehicle” on? I’ll be back. I missed finishing this story by Hanukkah, but maybe before Christmas or the new year. It needs to be a holiday tale!

Update: 12/25/21:
It is Christmas Day, and the other day I considered maybe I should wait until Spring to finish telling the tale of Bitter the Snowman. I wrote the ending for it weeks ago by hand and wasn’t satisfied. I’m now thinking, is it supposed to be simple or epic? A simple ending is easy, an epic one requires more thinking and thoughtfulness, even more emotions, problems and solutions if you want to be technical about it. I will try a happy or bitter medium and attempt to finish the story BEFORE New Year’s Eve of this year. Before the end of 2021. Have a nice holiday break, everyone.

Update 12/30/21:
Is this finished?
Yes and no. I have the ending and the notes to get there. I am not sure how to best handle the messaging of what Bitter does. It is worrying me the content may not be “young enough” for a lower-aged audience. I’ve been doing a lot of adult blogging this past year, so that habit snuck in!

I may create “A Short, Bitter Ending” for 2021 and then a new, more elaborate one for next December 2022. =) It’s not about trying to hold onto an audience that long. I really want to spend more time on the last half of Bitter’s story so it is truly satisfying, memorable too. Rushing to put it together before the New Year rings in may cause me to miss some creative opportunities within the story telling. Tomorrow is December 31st, 2021. The last of this year on the calendar. I’ll release the short ending, but it may really just be a teaser for the real ending to be released Winter 2022.

A Short, Bitter Ending (just for the end of 2021)

Bitter had to stop himself. He was taking too much pleasure being dizzy!

Determined, he decided in that moment to work against Santa anyway. Looking around slowly he started to form a plan. Who he could get on his side, who he can use without paying, what he could steal, how to cause damage…


There was a deafening sound and Bitter was temporarily blinded by a lightning strike.

A deep bellowing voice pounded so loudly it shook his mind even with his eyes closed.

“BITTER,” it said slowly, like thunder of the storm slowly echoing away to other towns in the distance.

“I am Father Time. Stopping you here and now. Santa was too trusting?”

Bitter starts to answer, but the chill made even the ice of his body shiver. “I… I… want things MY WAY!”

The thunder in the sky shook EVERYTHING including Bitter. To someone else it may have sounded like laughter.

Father Time speaks, “BITTER, you are not going to like what is going to happen. We already know now. I’m going to take you back to Santa in the future so you’ll know what he has to say. When he is done speaking, the story you wished for will begin.”


The lightning flashes and flashes and flashes.

Bitter blinks and blinks.

He wakes up, tired, laying on his back. Above the sky is deep blue and clouds dissipating. It’s warm, like another season. Birds are chirping. There must be a party in the distance all ages laughing.

Santa steps up into view looking down on Bitter. “We gave you the magic of movement, and the power of ‘influence’,” says Santa. “What do you think you did with it?”

“I tried to undo you. Eliminate you. Get you to be less than me,” says Bitter.

“Bad ideas, Bitter,” mumbles Santa.

“If I overcome you–be better, be stronger–you cannot control me, or my life,” says Bitter.

Moving to leave Santa replies, “I wasn’t your enemy, Bitter. I can’t give you a new name or life now.”

Bitter stares straight up at the blue sky realizing he can’t move. He feels.. hot? Sinking into the grass around him?

A warm wind slowly cuts off all the sound of laughter of the distant party–and bells of a sleigh? Was Santa saying, “Ho ho ho”?

Father Time whispers, “Now you have to live through it.”

Bitter GASPS!

It is dark and silent now.

Bitter the Snowman will be released in its entirety next Winter 2022. Hope you have enjoyed it so far!

In The Dark

I was on sets for Poltergeist and The Shining. Friday the 13th, even met Freddy Krueger , was a stand-in on Saw. And more. I get what horror movies are about. I gave some ideas for them, in person. Rumor has it even though they were abusive, the little men from Los Angeles did not want me to say the word m-rder, so I said how about “REDRUM”?

What about The Dark is the average human being most afraid of?

I just figured it out this evening. It’s the level, the scale of the unknown. The amount of darkness is just a visual representation of the lack of knowledge in proportion to the importance of needing to know. I may have just written the formula for a horror moment. That’s how we build suspense in a movie, we tease with ideas visual and other(just a creaking sound or a water droplet, then we slowly reveal… ever slowly… BANG!!! Bats fly all around us! IT’S CHAOS OF NOISE AND SHRIEKING AND LIGHT AND DARKNESS MOVING SO RAPIDLY FASTER THAN WE CAN BLINK!!!

Does an epiphany hit you like that? Or an inspiration? That’s good.

But it is The Dark that worries us all. That lack of knowledge about something is like walking down wooden stairs in a dark old house and not having time to check if the next stair will bear weight. We could make it through a situation just fine, stairs are stairs… same size, keep the same size step and you can go down or up a flight with your eyes closed. But what if you couldn’t hear your footsteps, and you didn’t know how many stairs there are, and your legs are cold and numb…

It’s The Dark. We all need to worry about it. The Dark is LACK OF KNOWLEDGE.


What if you knew how to “drive a car” and you got in, drove up a hill and on the downhill slope you FORGOT how to use the brakes?

What if a small crowd of people came up to you and gave you 10 minutes of information from various sources and they all missed one key thing and you began to make a decision, turned to look at them, turned back and finalized it… and the shuttle… up in orbit… skipped on the atmosphere and careened into a unregistered prototype from another nation that was too close and spying… causing a fireball and a bright screen of catastrophe and everyone in the room stopped breathing to watch… Oh, we had a moment… of The Dark we… didn’t address?

Do you cry? Think of the bright light of failure? Or The Dark that you overlooked. Were you cocky? Was it too simple a possibility that another aircraft was nearby? What goes in your next Dark? Your hate of failure or what you actually missed. At what point is damage control, or dinner?

People will continue to look at the dazzling failure on the screen. Some are not used to looking at it and want to find truth, hope. You have your back turned to the screen, wishing no one else was standing the room. You know what it all really means. The whole universe. You have a great mind, but in the moment you let others give you the information and answers. And they were not as educated nor prepared. What excuse will you give? You… blinked?

What do you see here? How about a man who can see at night and has no fear? That is the vision. The idea. “What path is yours, and which do you seek?”

the Human Kernel Panic

It’s that moment, or time when a person realizes their world isn’t what they thought it was and all that information they’ve based their life on wasn’t entirely correct for what is needed to continue their life as it was. So the person just stops, maybe even over reacts, panics or shuts down for a while. Their eyes may not be blue screens of death, but their inner machine and clock stops momentarily to witness: “This isn’t right, this is not what I expected.” Also known to me in street talk as the: “Oh sh-t moment” –but this tends to be more humorous and easier understood and fixable.

Are your feet no longer on the ground? Is there no ground, only sky now?

Well, if people’s inner machines, clocks have blown up and they are picking up the pieces, just realize you may not need all those pieces. Just enough to keep your individuality so you can move on. Could even be one piece. Maybe it is time for a spring cleaning in your life any way?

I’m studying a little bit of mindfulness right now, but I hold steady on the importance of “meaningfulness”. I believe most people glance over too much in their lives. Do not give enough credit to some very important moments in life that have actually affected them in permanent ways. If they had slowed down and really considered what was going on and what could happen with small changes in the events unfolding, even fleeting interpretations, they may have had different lives all together. Sometimes a nod can change your whole path, as could separately undermining a strategy or agenda that may have been more profitable or wholesome.

I’ve witnessed too many people with commitments to destruction, big and small. The ones I am thinking about destroyed their own lives too.

There is nothing wrong with having your own human kernel panic. See if you can learn from it, and reboot your mind to a revised operating system. There were probably too many conflicts, too much corruption in the system for it to run smoothly. If you are panicking, others may be too. The safest way to approach fixing this blue screen of death is to carefully remove the more invasive hacks and revert to a more stable, out-of-the-box, stock, normal system. If you are into cars, that may mean taking your street rod closer back to a stock suspension, or removing that high tech turbo unit that is too extreme for the engine, or going back to a regular than a mix for racing.

If you having software/hardware connection problems within the system, it could have too many aliases. Do you what that means? Short cuts.

Is the hard drive slow? Does it appear your system has random crashes? Have you considered all those hacked programs for speed or to circumnavigate legitimate licensing has caused damage throughout the filesystem, onboard databases, memory management?

Right. In our real world, friends of Neo, we have too many false identities, too many frauds. A fraud human being is like using a box for step, but it is made of cardboard and will collapse. A non-fraud human being is more solid and reliable. On a computer system, an “alias” or “short cut” is simply a LINK. It is not the program itself. We need fewer aliases in Hollywood, more genuine human beings.

Genuine human beings, that are not frauds have fewer operating system issues, may rarely kernel panic. Reliability is good for business, isn’t it?

Yes, this is very opinionated. But I felt like writing it just in case it helps someone somewhere. If it doesn’t help you in some way, hopefully you can write something better for us all sometime.

Dare to Dream

Block everything else out, take the time, own the moment… It’s be real in your mind if you can leave out OTHER PEOPLE’s MINDS. Really, that when you know it is YOURS. YOUR MOMENT.

How do you practice dreaming? It’s easier than you think. First you’ll have to stop absorbing everything that is immediately around you. Then think of a memory you can recall well. Within that memory, CHANGE IT. Add a person, a bird, a car, dialog or monologue that wasn’t there when it actually happened. Imagine different people saying the lines, change the clothes, change the ending…

And that is how you BEGIN. Good luck.

It’s late, but I wanted to be a part of my normal self. Back to dreaming, making, creating, existing elsewhere and in the same place. Good night, and enjoy your new beginnings. You can change them any time you want to.

Not me, but it is something I’d do.

Flesh and Bone – The Earth Keepers

My whole life I have studied people and all kinds things around us all. And that’s just one perspective. I look for answers to questions most people don’t even bother thinking about, let alone asking.

Here is an answer I came up with the other day after traveling in various ways, many hundreds of miles.

Our human bodies were NOT designed for fighting. We are mostly soft flesh held up by mostly hollow, and definitely porous bones. We are not naturally armored nor posses a weapon built in. Look at your own hands. They are soft, no barbs or spikes. Human genitals are soft too and naturally very sensitive–they are not weapons. We are covered in skin that can be burned by just sunlight. Our bodies are sensitive to hot and cold. We bleed easily.

The human body has evolved and is by design a listener to the world around us. We have a mind and physical senses to understand what makes the Earth what it is and what we have to do to keep ourselves and it alive in the most optimal way.

Our bodies are not designed to attack each other. We are not battle animals. We are Earth keepers. Understanding the bodies we have, we understand all the life around us. ALL of it. We understand plants and wild animals, the micro organisms in the sea, the molecules we breath in and out.

Think about what I just wrote. I hope you can remember your true humanity before your life ends. Some of you may only have minutes, some decades.

Some flesh partying at the beach.

This is a first draft, subject to change. I just wanted to see it written out as it is, the core of what I was thinking in the moment.