To Save Others, I Had to Die

A long time ago I was pressured under extreme duress to drop who I was, allow others to “be me” even in person. I didn’t have enough clout by myself. I had to lose who I was permanently or, I or others were at risk of being severely damaged and even mrdrd, dead and buried. As a child I didn’t know I’d have to do such a thing… and more than once.. likely to gang members from different gangs.

People over-hostaged me VERY IMPOLITELY in my youth. Forced me to be used against all kinds of people I didn’t even know. I had to abandon more than one of my own very real identities and groups of contacts. Sorry, not fixable.

What is even more extreme… on occasions I may have ONLY BEEN STANDING IN a SHORT TIME for someone unavailable. Someone planned to return. People still didn’t want me to look that important… as a temp or sub. I got mugged over and over again.

How I also Lost Identity in the 1970s

I forgot to mention this also: How many convicts used wives and children to “be me” for THEM on IPs? Many may still be very much connected to past IPs, IP ideas so their convict husbands are still connected even sitting in prison. And also, there may still be convict women with husbands and boyfriends on the outside connected to IPs on paperwork. There could be THOUSANDS of people who actually capitalized on IPs I helped spark as a child. Because I was NOT MAKING MONEY ON IPs… I was very much made an outsider, outcast, lone wolf.


The truth is.. and I have learned about it in my near half-century of life: People should NOT possess each other.

That means trying and doing it. Taking something of someone else and using that as your own. Something OBVIOUSLY once belonging to someone else.

This may even include a wife or husband using their partner’s shirt or car, even using their favorite sayings. I believe even this is a wrong trait or habit. It isn’t a sign of love to “remove” or “re-assign” something symbolic belonging to someone. Like stealing a famous guitarist’s musical instrument. It will NEVER have the same meaning as it did in the owner’s hands, arms, possession.

In my childhood I strove to be original in thinking, even if I was INSPIRED by someone else. It was a GOAL to be unique, stand out, different, even in understanding similar things. My own goal was to understand things even better than people I met or read about. It has been a part of my personal journey.