Beggars Around Me

Sadly, someone’s “prison specials” have been sent to me over and over in my life and I DON’T APPRECIATE IT. They threaten, rob, injure people and pretend someone else did it. Then… they carry the money(a few hundred dollars? Few thousand?) to someone likely in L.A. who doesn’t belong in this country. There may be some in my neighborhood right now… stalking.. snooping… possibly living in homes without paying rent… which means the actual owners may have been chased away. Someone should interview “their children” see if they are stolen or not. What’s really odd is they try to fit in, and look wealthy too. Think it perfectly normal to harass strangers for anything. BEWARE asking them too many questions… if you find they are lying right in front of you and they know you know it… they could kll or injure you. The ones near me ARE NOT TAKING MESSAGING*. Which worries me.

Not just my neighborhood. Please look around your own where YOU live.

Be careful, okay?

*Such as… people who are NOT driving luxury vehicles–look like work or commuter vehicles, likely do not have a lot of money. If they are not driving a status car… what are they driving? Is it practical? New? If it looks old, bought used… they may be trying to tell people they don’t have money to share. If they have a new car and have family members who have old cars… they probably need to take care of THEM FIRST…not strangers. A family that has even ONE used-bought car in it should NOT be bothered for giving money to strangers and/or people outside of the family. Truth is, if not all the family members can afford to buy a new car without a loan and also own a home without a mortgage they should not be sharing money outside of their family.

The TRUTH IS… people who have ANY DEBT on their own, or in their family… should not be asked to give money away.

I’ve gotten beggars since I was in diapers. WHY IS THIS? Even if I had contacts with money, doesn’t mean I have money! Please take your beggars back and send them elsewhere! I can’t help people. I am NOT Ukrainian, Korean, Taiwanese, Indian! None of those. I feel they should not be in the U.S. if they can’t get a job to support themselves. Ongoing begging is NOT GOOD, NOT SUSTAINABLE. They are NOT MY PEOPLE! I feel bad having to write this. There have been times in my life I didn’t have enough money for food. Ukrainians pretended to be poor at the grocery store and STILL bought 2x-10x as much food as me.

Social Media Account Adjustments

I DID REALLY.. take down my own social media accounts on Facebook and Linkedin for now. I am rebranding what I am going to do with them. I spent a few years now writing about problems I’ve had with real and imagined connections in L.A. and Honolulu. I hope we mutually understand now I was mainly a “sounding board” and “concubine-like person” for several men and women. I was NOT an actual leadership person. I may have been used and brought around as a stand in… and I really didn’t understand what was going on. I turned the big 5-0 last summer even though I am still a “child” to the mafia and gangsters I’ve known. I’m accepting I’ll NEVER be returning to work with Hollywood, and I pray and plead and beg for EVERYONE to get this along with me. I kinda did my thing, and that’s all they needed. They have many many many talented people who live right there in L.A. and can handle many many things. My best wishes to them!

Not a Ukrainian

Hello all, I know Ukrainians have come to the U.S. over the decades and needed help. I may have even been asked to “stand in” for one or more of them. But it wasn’t a good idea to continue to do this with me and my body. I GOT UKRAINIAN hits put upon me. It looked like I was causing people grief from “my marching orders”. NOT FAIR AT ALL. I was not even spoken to much about their lives. In my childhood I may have been VERY CONFUSED why people claiming to be Ukrainian WERE HARMING ME. Some say they were trying to extort money by threatening even to kll me. PLEASE DON’T EVER DO THIS AGAIN. I am not actually one of your peoples. All the damage to my body and life has NOT BE FAIRLY, JUSTLY… given to me.

As a child I wanted to help people. No one was REQUIRED to listen to me(unless their own people did this–I didn’t). I’ve never been under contract as a spokesperson or even “hired leadership”–which is actually more an INDIA thing… a group of people HIRE a leader. In the U.S. we VOTE for them, or that’s how it is supposed to go. But that HIRED LEADERSHIP is supposed to be protected! Not left out for anyone to visit and injure just because they had a bad day or were on drugs and ended up at the wrong address begging for money.

Please, in this world of “gender associations”.. can people accept “group associations”? I actually associate MORE with Hawaii people and Yugoslavians who are not wealthy. I have a decent mind, but I and my family were not protected enough over the decades so we couldn’t get wealthy. Without enough wealth, we really cannot help others with money. We can only be nice and try to help others spiritually.

I believe in the 1970s some Hawaii(?) and California(?) people.. possibly even from out of country hired Ukrainians and Koreans to “copy me”. However, I was NEVER given money to pay people. Mafia and gangs stole monies from my family before we made any significant money even in normal, legal ways.

I shouldn’t be so isolated and without contacts, but it may be because many moved on because I was so attacked and robbed throughout my life. Not possible to protect me enough. I wanted to have a normal-ish life, out in public with other people. So I can’t have a lot of money to my name. I can’t even have auto-payments for fear someone may kll me for them.

Long ago, some people may have been snooped and PRETENDED my whole family was Ukrainian. I think more than one relative was an adopted Ukrainian. It looks like was also given some Ukrainian grandparents, but they were poor people. It didn’t make me Ukrainian. All these years it wasn’t on my mind at all who I was connected to. But these days I realize HOW IMPORTANT it is to recognize what may have been misunderstood.

It appears my main “job” for a larger group of people ended up being to help them understand U.S. citizens and English speakers. I didn’t have to be a part of Hollywood to do this, but it may have carried my ideas further than if I just wrote things online. “False relatives” in Los Angeles and Honolulu may have called me Ukrainian, Indian even Korean and other things. The trouble was though… they often appeared CRIMINAL and want to steal money from me, not help me with a job or career! Please be aware they may still exist.

Was I a Mafia Mother?

(from my Linkedin Post “Compensation For?”)

Gunna just have to accept–to myself–I was a “Hollywood regular stand in” for others… and never adopted(paid) to do it there. Others just made sure I had survival money to get me through it all because of the hits I may have taken FOR OTHERS. I ended up being a hit magnet?!! But remember this too for me/us… I paid with my very messed up lifetime already. If anything, PEOPLE OWE ME MORE MONEY. Not the other way around. I’ve had to live a RUINED LIFE. I’m not suing nor invoicing, and “adults” should NOT be sending their small or full grown “children” for money or gifts.

It appears I was a MOTHER for mafia and gangster children. Responsibility got put on me for things THEY DID or SET UP or signed agreements on.

People can and will go on without me. And I need to be retired from helping strangers. Most people I ever dealt with in L.A. even Honolulu appeared to be strangers to me. I didn’t really know them.

I actually believe I’m part of a group of “poor Yugoslavians” that people were supposed to protect and take care of–even minimally, not rob and abuse!

What’s profound is that responsibilities appeared to be put upon me before I was even out of diapers. I’ve had this weight on me my whole life… to help people I didn’t even really know. The distant relative to false surrogates? I’m not sure who set this all up or how it got put together. I know human traffickers were involved. I believe they were Ukrainian-involved, which also connected me to India and Korean peoples and more.

Getting Rid of “Stupid” (From Our Lives)

Some humans have been given this label, PLEASE don’t push humans out the door unless they are actually dangerous to you and yours.

The real “stupid” we probably ALL NEED TO WORK ON… are the things in our lives that we keep getting involved with over and over and they are NOT HELPFUL, but HARMFUL… to our minds and/or our wallets and self worth.

“Stupid is, what stupid does!” –Yeah that too!

What I’m writing is to myself and others… I am trying to help us get stupid out of our lives. Yes, “stupid” is like a GLUE or a stinky tar we’ve used to get odd things to work together. But at some point you need to use something else, or re-work the “wiring” or “flow” or “how this thing is done”. Yup, sometimes we use “stupid” to make new things kinda.. roll… or jump… or bounce.. or just do something… but what I am suggesting to even myself is: “What can I use to replace ‘stupid’ in my life?” This is really tricky and not simple for me. Others may have less stupid-looking lives to deal with!

Here are some examples of “stupid” in someone’s life:

– Jogging daily even though you’ve had knee surgeries.
– Going to the same restaurant with the same people and running up a tab that breaks your bank account every time–they have fun, love you for it, but you spend months recovering the debt to your credit card.
– Working at a job that will never pay you enough to afford in the home you are in.
– Asking for help from someone disabled(physically or financially or?), and they keep putting you off and you can’t get your work done without them.
– Wearing clothes that don’t fit right and you get irritable because you hate the colors or fit.
– Eating your spouse’s cooking and it tastes bad all the time, and you are actually good at cooking!
– Spending money on relatives who never speak to you or help you with anything.
– Taking a certain route to work every day that includes too many traffic lights, but appears faster sometimes.
– You ask the opinion of NON-EXPERTS on a subject.
– You complain about the same thing for years instead of seeking even a small change.
– You just complain and never suggest a repair or fix or constructive change.
– You ask others for changes in your life, but you don’t or won’t change yourself at all.
– You seek only “compromise” from others, but won’t do a compromise when asked of you.

Make your own list! I dare you!

This is actually a very universal, global “thing” that EVERYONE may need to think about: REMOVING AS MUCH STUPID FROM THEIR LIVES AS POSSIBLE. We all end up getting into a groove, habits, even forcing things in relationships and more. I’m thinking now… WE ALL NEED TO PUT MORE EFFORT into removing “stupid” from our lives. And I don’t mean getting rid of human beings I mean “DEPROGRAMMING”, “ADJUSTING EXPECTATIONS”… “HELPING EACH OTHER FIGURE THINGS OUT”.

The Old Man and the Birds

(working title)
I’m writing this story live. If I don’t snoopers may try to sell it before I publish it. Stand by… (copied from Linkedin after I finished as is for now)

After working hard for years, an old man is retired and alone. He knows he is near his end, or he thinks so. Gives away his expensive things to friends and family and has his little money to live on and enjoy his final days in peace.

He has just enough to get by, but things are getting more expensive. He doesn’t want to burden people he cared about in life. Just wants to fade away.

After losing his small apartment home and walking out, leaving everything there he takes to the streets. He has a terminal illness and knows his life is closing down.

One day he notices the young birds visiting him. Older ones watching them and him. Laying on his cardboard he gets up and goes to a store and with his last cash buys bird seed. He sits at the park and gives and gives… it last for days and he makes lots of friends with the birds and he lives in that nice park for a while with them.

The day comes and he is out. He sits and watches some birds come to visit, give him looks, peck around and leave again. Some come and fight each other at his feet and next to him on the bench.

Sadly he gets up, and slowly walks away. Birds chase after him.. scurrying at his feet… landing on his shoulders… on his head… flying by… some talking… some yelling… he just keeps walking slowly… no where to really go. His breathing isn’t well…

…his head is getting foggy.. he is not sure if he is walking or not. He feels very tired… and slowly loses consciousness. The birds land on his body, now just fallen on the path. He hears them, it sounds like music and confusion… they peck at his hair, his face, his jacket, his shoes, and stand and fight on him. Doesn’t matter their color, or size, or origin. Just birds.

Are you a bird? Do beautiful feathers stop you from pecking at people? Are you all in gray? Do you feel, special?

Joggers… come up quick and birds fly off… some fly and fly and fly… others hop out of the way still watching and looking for bird seed, which.. some may have dropped.

What does this story mean to you? What human would you be in this story if you wrote yourself in? Are you proud of the birds? Would you want to be one?

What are the joggers thinking of as they see this dead old man on a path? Take his wallet? Chase the birds away? Run off and pretend they didn’t see him?

There are many meanings in this story. Some people feel old and out of bird seed, even not near their own natural death. They feel like they already gave up a lot already.

If the old man got up, and walked back to an expensive apartment with all kinds of marble and gold. Had he still spent “all his seeds” for “the birds”? What if he had only bought ONE BAG in life and spent it all. Are the birds still “owed”? Is he responsible if the birds called more to his neighborhood?

more later

The Fast and Furious FK UP

THIS IS A RANT FOR PUBLIC VIEWING. I know not all had dumb and sinister intentions, but some truly have! Their names may not even be on credits anywhere. Some may even be dead from a street fight at some point by now.

After I helped create the Fast and Furious movie franchise… in my childhood… WITH ADULTS… how many MEN, gangsters especially… suddenly rose up and WANTED TO “BE ME”? No kidding. HOW MANY? They REALLY FKD UP MY LIFE. OTHERS TOO. Because some ARE NOT LEGAL IN THE U.S., NEVER WERE. They got involved and messed up all kinds of normal people who USED TO work for Hollywood, and I don’t think this was appropriate. Some, maybe many… are not even creative or business people, had guns, not money. This is NOT what the movie series was about. It wasn’t about destroying lives. It was supposed to enforce family and friendship values. And hell yes, have good times. Criminal and not.

Offscreen… Even g’damn criminal politicians got involved or showed up at that series. So WTF happened???????

Being a Spirit Walker

“Leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but pictures, kill nothing but time…” (even then, must ‘time’ be killed or just ignored?)

This still is a mantra when I am around nature. I actually prefer the peace of nature than the metal and concrete of big cities. Okay? I am not “your Donna”. I am a spirit walker who will speak to people. That’s all I really was. Still am really. People have disrupted my thinking and spirituality and WALKING since my earliest days on Earth outside of the womb. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to be angry or just irritated… or wondering… why is this?

I found this image without a copyright online. Please contact me if it is yours.

It’s Like Having a Rabbi Friend…

A short allegory.

One day you get thrown in jail. Instead of reaching out for help or finding a good connection through others… you have that friend rabbi framed and thrown in prison with you. So there they are, in the cell next to you, locked in as you are. They stare at you… and stare… and you sit in your cell thinking.., then say: “Can you help me now?”

The rabbi responds, “What do you want me to do? I lost my job, my family divorced me, and society abandoned me because they think I killed someone.”

You the one in jail who needed the rabbi… looks around, sees rabbi.. now there to talk to almost 24/7… that’s a joyful thing..(now you are comrades!) then you look outside the jail cells where a guard paces by and you realize… “Oh yeah, would have been better if you were on that side of the bars and visiting, huh?”

[ Me: Yeah. ]


The worst part of this story is that this is likely happening EVERY DAY to someone. People kidnapped or forced to join a gang, or forced to live in a country they don’t want to be in. Forced to take a job they don’t want. Even non-criminals and criminals forced to get certain prisons and people. I’m sure it goes on and on.

Lesson of Three Birds

A bird takes another bird into a bird house then leaves that bird there, locks the door behind and flies off.

A long time later, a bird returns and looks into the cage from the outside, peeps “Why are you not full of food and fed? You look unhappy. I’ll be back and get you some food and water.” Bird leaves, comes back and gives some to the bird in the house. The uncertain bird hops to the cage edge and the food and water dropped in.

A third bird, big one… flies in, chases off the delivery bird and breaks open the cage, gobbles the food, knocks over the caged bird and flies off.

The truth illustrated here is… human beings can be as dumb as birds. Typically, the ones who are the most free and able to fly, must help the ones they’ve locked up. Shouldn’t be stealing from them. This lesson speaks of a lack of balance. Firstly, the bird in the cage could have had a door that was open so they could help themself. Then the average bird didn’t attend its own duties to help the bird in the cage. In the end, the big bird could have easily ignored it all because it can get much bigger food for itself, even given leftovers to the one in the cage. The big bird could have even opened the cage door and all three left the scene.

HORROR VERSION

There is a commotion.

A small bird is grossly attacked, injured as it tries to flee. Wings broken, leg too. Head injury. A force puts it in a cardboard box. All the birds surrounding are peeping frantically as if they feel the injured bird needs help! Some food and water are left, and the force leaves. Before the injured bird can get enough energy and wake up enough from the black out to crawl across the box floor, the peeping attack birds jump into the box and steal the food and water.

DOUBLE THE HORROR

The peeping birds leave the box, and the injured bird wakes up enough to eat some crumbs and suck on the water drops still left. Then it falls asleep.

Nearby the peeping birds entertain the force. And the force gives them a big bowl of food and water. The force looks into the card board box and sees the injured, near death bird appears to have eaten and drank. Left a mess! What a pig!

Any humans want me to keep going? You know this happens to human beings. Instead of a lesson told, what would you think about the small bird? Was it attacked because it was by itself and smaller than the other birds? Was it pretty, nice, carried a melody? What was the motivation of the attack? Did the peeping birds imitate its likeness prior to the attack, while it lay in a box dying?